by Marti Anne Gilman, TILBC Certified Biblical Counselor
Several years ago, when I was a recent college graduate, I was assigned to the Anchorage, Alaska, Police Department as a police chaplain. During that time, I was trained in Critical Incident Stress Management through the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation (ICISF). This training was to help with debriefings of police, fire, EMS, state troopers, and even the military after a critical incident.
While I was serving in Alaska, there was a serious incident out in the Matanuska Valley (Palmer/Wasilla, AK) that involved many Alaska State Troopers and included serious events during a car chase. I was assigned by the lead chaplain to lead a CISM team in debriefing the state troopers after this incident. They were required to attend before they could return to duty.
The Matanuska Valley is about an hour away from Anchorage. I remember thinking and praying as I drove out to this debriefing, "Lord, how am I going to be able to speak to these state troopers over this incident?" Here I was, a female in my late twenties, and I was going to be debriefing male Alaska State Troopers. I didn't know how I was going to be able to reach these men who had gone through a critical incident and needed to go through this debriefing to return to work and to do their jobs effectively. The critical incident stress debriefings were designed to allow first responders and military to be able to talk about everything they had seen, heard, felt/touched, and smelled during an incident. The purpose was to be able to walk through the incident in a safe way, preventing them from ending up with PTS or PTD. I didn't know how I was going to be able to connect with these men after such a tough experience.
So, I began to pray and ask God to help me. I asked Him to give me something that would connect with them and help break the ice for them to be able to talk about the incident. As I was driving, I began to get this image of a clay pot in my mind. God began to help me understand what this clay pot meant to these men and to first responders in general.
When I arrived at the building where the CISM briefing was going to take place, the team and I worked to set up the room for the debriefing. About fifteen uniformed Alaska State troopers entered the room. Every one of them had his arms crossed in a defensive position. Obviously, they did not want to be at this debriefing. I remember saying a quick prayer and asking God that this debriefing would help these men who had been through a very tough situation.
As everybody sat down, I started the debriefing. As the CISM leader, I went over the rules and explained what this debriefing was for. It was not a critique of their abilities as troopers. It was a chance for them to express how they felt during the time of the incident and what was going through their minds. Their body language continued to tell me that they did not want to be there. They were there only because they were required to be.
I told the men I wanted to tell them a story before we started this debriefing. "Every one of you has a clay pot outside the front door of your home. And every night when you go home from your job, you take everything you’ve seen that day with you—all the evil, wickedness, horribleness, anger, frustration, sadness, grief, and fear you experienced on your job. Before entering your home, you put all that in your clay pot and cover the pot with a lid. Your do this so you will not take out anything you’ve witnessed that day on the job on your family members, your wives, children, or girlfriends. You are the ultimate protectors. This is why you are in this kind of job. And the last people you’re going to tell about what you've seen and experienced on the job is those you love and want to protect the most.
"Over time, your clay pot gets fuller and fuller and fuller. If the clay pot is not emptied of all the things you experience on their job, it will get so full it starts getting cracks in it. And then things start to seep through those cracks. When that happens, you may become more irritable or angry. Or sad or frustrated. But over time, if this pot is never emptied, it becomes so full that something drastic will happen. It could happen like this: One night when you walk in the house, you may trip over their child's toy in the entryway —and you blow up.
"Why will this happen? Your clay pot just exploded because it was too full. And while you're standing there trying to figure out why you're having this kind of reaction over a toy you tripped on, you don't realize that your way of coping with everything (that over-filled clay pot) has just completely exploded and is no longer available to protect your family from what you see.
"The purpose of the critical incident stress debriefing is to make sure your clay pot gets emptied so you don't have an exploding clay pot that ends up all over your family members and other loved ones—making you feel as though you’re not protecting those you love the most.
"Your jobs are very hard. Not everybody has to deal with the kinds of things you deal with at work. Every day you put that uniform on, you know you may not come home. The purpose of doing this debriefing is to make sure you have the tools and the resources to get the help you need when you need it. You will also be more able to function and love, care for, and protect your family members, while also making sure that they're cared for."
When I finished the clay pot story, I proceeded through the steps of the CISM debriefing. As we went through the debriefing, I watched the men slowly relax their stance and stop crossing their arms in a defensive posture. And they began to share about what happened during the incident that day.
A
t the end of the debriefing, we always serve coffee and water with fruit or cookies. That’s a time for all those who had been in that incident together to just talk with one another—more time to debrief with their colleagues and the facilitators. Before the men left, every one of them came up to me and asked me, "How did you know that I do that every night?" And I told them that as I prepared to do the debriefing, I asked God to help me know how best to help them. I explained that it wasn't me. It was God who gave me that image of a clay pot and that story to tell them.
Several weeks later, there was another critical incident with these same men. I was not assigned to that CISM debriefing team, but I was asked to come in and meet with the wives and girlfriends of these men and explain to them why their husbands and boyfriends wouldn't talk to them about what happened on their jobs. So, while the state troopers were going through their CISM debriefing, their wives and girlfriends were in a room with another female chaplain and me. We explained to them what was going on with their loved ones’ lives and why they do what they do and why they won’t talk about what they see out there on the streets. When speaking to these women, I could see understanding grow about why their partner would never talk about what happens on the job. It wasn't that they didn't care and didn't want to share—it was that they cared too much and didn't want to share what they saw with the people they love the most.
Over the years, God has used this story of the clay pot to help so many of the first responders I worked with understand why it's important for their clay pot to be empty. I have also told this story to people who are not first responders for them to understand what first responders and even military people go through.
As biblical counselors, we come alongside fallen soldiers who have gone through some of the worst things that a human being can experience: war, death of teammates, stress, anxiety, fear, fear of the unknown, not knowing if they’re going to wake up tomorrow. This clay pot story can help them too. They are the ultimate warriors. We can help them empty their clay pots so they can continue being the men and women that God created them to be.
We are doing what God called us to do as biblical counselors by coming alongside people and speaking the truth in love about the gospel. We give them the tools and resources to be able to live their lives despite all the things they have seen and experienced and had to do in their jobs as soldiers. We always encourage them to fix their eyes on Jesus Christ, read the Word of God, spend time in prayer, and ask for help when they need it.
All these years later I am so thankful that God gave me that clay pot story right when I needed it. God knew exactly what those men needed at the time that they needed it. And He allowed me to be the one to speak their language when they needed to hear something they could relate to.
Before you start any counseling appointment, don’t forget to invite Father God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit into the conversation. They know exactly what that person needs at that moment, in that exact situation. I am so thankful we work with God to help those He has placed in our care.
We know that Jesus Christ came to set the captives free, and that Father God/Jesus Christ love’s these men and women too much to want them to stay in bondage and captivity due to the "Consequences of War & Public Service". Fallen Soldiers March helps so many of our military men and women get the serious help they need through Biblical Counseling to heal their souls.
Blessings,
Marti Anne Gilman
~Jeremiah 29:11–13~
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