Fallen Soldiers March has been approached by Navy Seal Team members to write for FSM's Quarterly Newsletter when inspired, time allows and anonymity is protected. They will use the pseudonym "The Chief".
This is their second contribution and we look forward to their future contributions.
by "The Chief," Chief Petty Officer, SEAL
One of the youngest members of Captain Robert F. Scott’s scientific Terra Nova Expedition into Antarctica (1910-1912) was twenty-four-year-old Asbury Cherry-Gerrard. In his memoir, The Worst Journey in the World (1922), he shares the hellacious trials of endurance suffered by expedition members that resulted in the death of five men, including Scott: long days of utter darkness, temperature of -70°F, lack of food, countless hours pulling sleds for miles across lunar landscapes where an ice sheet collapse could send one hurtling deep to a black end, and blizzards with 100-mph winds. Those are only a few of the hardships the crew endured regularly. Asbury speaks at length of frostbite, snow blindness, exhaustion, disorientation in the barren wilderness, clothes freezing solid within fifteen seconds of exiting his sleeping bag, and hunger.
Recalling one particularly brutal journey across the ice, Asbury states: I for one had come to that point of suffering at which I did not really care if only I could die without much pain. They talk of the heroism of the dying – they little know – it would be so easy to die, a dose of morphia, a friendly crevasse, and blissful sleep. The trouble is to go on.[1]
Our trying life storms can make death appear as the easy way out or the assured means of stopping the pain. Furthermore, the many often-expressed Christian encouragements to someone experiencing such miseries are little more than shallow platitudes, such as these:
"You can overcome all things through Christ who strengthens."
"God gives grace sufficient to overcome the trial."
"The Lord will never leave you nor forsake you."
Though true statements, they are not necessarily what someone suffering catastrophic loss or depression needs to hear. Sometimes, when the soul is so overwhelmed with suffering, even the promise that things will someday get better has no bearing on one’s heart—no ability to overcome the present anguish.
I have lain in a hospital bed, looking at my ravaged body and wishing my flesh would give up the fight, and asking God to let me die. Even months after my release, suicidal thoughts were not foreign to me.
Sidebar: Before confronting someone in a harrowing circumstance, ensure you have earned the right to speak into their storm. After the litany of existential catastrophes rained on Job, his friends didn’t immediately begin spouting off truisms, like the Sunday school responses above. Such bruising is akin to the corner advice of a boxing coach while the boxer is being shredded, round after round, and his face is a bloody mess: "You need to ignore the pain and fight better." Though the coach’s statement is true, it’s hollow and falls on deaf ears.
Job’s friends traveled from afar to come to his side. They wept with loud voices, tore their clothes in mourning, and covered their heads with ashes. They sat wordlessly in the dust beside Job and suffered with him for seven days and nights. Only then did they speak—because they had earned the right (Job 2:11-13).
During my hospital stint, some well-meaning visitors who meant the most to me were not those who showed up for a day with encouraging words. A few good friends took leave from work, sat by my bedside for hours, and slept on the waiting room floor. They quietly witnessed my grief and pain and took part in it. When seeing a chance to help with my practical needs, they instantly and loyally acted, whether adjusting my pillows for more comfort, helping me eat, or safeguarding my room from visitors so I could rest.
Urging and encouraging people from the edge is sometimes not helpful. Instead, the individual may need your quiet presence at the precipice, gazing down into the abyss with them, allowing your presence to bolster their will to fight.
When thoughts of ending my life crept into my psyche, two reflections stayed in my head:
Christ was not a coward when He walked this earth. At any moment of His mortal journey, He could have activated the IRF (Immediate Response Force) to rapidly deploy twelve legions of angels to accomplish His slightest whim (Matthew 26:53). Yet, He bore every minuscule task, every bead of sweat, every toil, and every unjust hardship because He trusted His Father’s plan—because God had honored Him with a load to carry—and He would not shame the One who held His allegiance by refusing to lift it.
When a man finds that it is his destiny to suffer, he will have to accept his suffering as his task; his single and unique task. . . . No one can relieve him of his suffering or suffer in his place. His unique opportunity lies in the way in which he bears his burden.[2] — Viktor E. Frankl, Holocaust survivor
We will never control what difficulties are permitted to afflict us. Those are the prerogatives of divinity. But we can control our reactions. Your response to adversity is the truest expression of who you are.
It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die than to find those willing to endure pain with patience. — attributed to Gaius Julius Caesar
Suffering steadfastly and with quiet honor is perhaps the most difficult challenge a man will ever have. Do not opt for the path of desertion and cowardice by taking your life.
The suicidal act may, in your mind, be an end to the pain. Do not be fooled: that is not the case, though many debate this. What is not debatable is the painful effect that your absence will have on those who love and care about you. If you think no one does, you may be wrong. Would you willfully take that risk by placing that burden on others’ minds and hearts? No matter who you are, your self-induced destruction will crush someone. Some friend, family member, or an unknown admirer gazing upon your battle for craved inspiration will collapse in the defeatism of your absence.
You are not just suffering for yourself. Life is not a self-benefiting game. Other people desperately need to see the archetypal victory of light over darkness enacted before their eyes. By extinguishing your light, the frail lights surrounding you grow dimmer.
When you quit, you quit for your own sake. When you push on, you do so for others.
Before falling prey to the lies of the age that declare "you" and your happiness as the paramount pursuits of existence, take a moment to meditate on the people you most admire. Heroes are chosen for their selflessness, having surmounted hardships we’ve barely tasted. If your heroes had given up in dire moments, where would be your will to persevere?
Observe the life of Quanah Parker, the orphaned son of a Comanche chief and a captured white woman. Quanah suffered when his father died, and his mother was then returned to her family. Because of Quanah’s white blood, he had to beg for food and clothes from his own people.
Eventually, Quanah became a respected war leader of the Comanche due to his vast cunning and daredevil courage. Following the devastation of his Comanche band, he showed up at the Fort Sill, Oklahoma reservation in abject poverty. Still, through shrewd maneuvering within the death of his culture and nation, Quanah committed to leading his people into the new age as best he could.
In 1889, at about age forty, Quanah stepped up as an educated opponent against Congress’s attempt to steal land from the Indians. The warrior of the Comanche Nation had a large house built that year, which was then constantly filled with Native Americans and whites down on their luck. They ate at his table and slept in his home of twelve bedrooms. He was never known to turn away the impoverished—no doubt remembering well the days he was a starving outcast.
Histories of heroes who endured miseries are not recorded by happenstance. If you’ve ever taken heart from a person’s story of overcoming tragedy, then their past grief and woe are still bearing fruit in the present.
Hear this promise: Any trial or misfortune can yield an exponential overabundance of blessing and goodness if confronted with patience and resolve, though you may never see the harvest. Your sorrows will aid others now and in the future. God also uses this divine refinement process to teach heavenly beings about Him (Ephesians 3:10-13, Hebrews 12:1, 1 Corinthians 4:9).
Do not forsake the Light of God in the maddening barrage of life’s storm. Grip His promises with bleeding fingers and have the courage to press forward.
I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart. Wait, I say, on the Lord! — Psalm 27:13-14
"For yet a little while, and He who is coming will come and not tarry. Now the just shall live by faith; but if anyone draws back, my soul has no pleasure in him." But we are not of those who draw back to perdition, but of those who believe to the saving of the soul. — Hebrews 10:37-39
A final word to those who have attempted suicide:
The weight of this fallen life overwhelms us all. Without Christ, the only means of coping are in idolatry: sexual immorality, selfish desires, greed, drugs, wealth, violence, ungodly relationships, leisure and pleasure, manipulation, witchcraft, jealousy, anger, selfish ambition, drunkenness, envy, self-pity—and, yes, even suicide (Galatians 5:19-21; Colossians 3:5). In this, no man is innocent.
Shame is good and wholesome when it leads to repentance, and we will forever wear the marks of shame in this life. But shame that continues after repentance, controlling and inhibiting one’s relationship with God, is not of the Holy Spirit; it is of the devil, Satan. The name "Satan" means accuser. Read Zechariah 3 and observe God’s response to the accuser’s words.
If you are experiencing unrighteous clinging shame for the sins of your youth, you may have created an open door in your life for demonic influence to control you. That must be dealt with. If you are truly saved, you must remember that when God looks at you, He doesn’t see you; He sees Christ (Romans 8:1, Colossians 3:1-4, Hebrews 8:12, 2 Corinthians 5:17).
To further help you combat the evil one’s whispers, I encourage you to study the doctrines of justification and sanctification.
Justification: "act of God by which the sinner, who is responsible for his guilt and is under condemnation but believes in Christ, is pronounced just and righteous, or acquitted, by God the judge (Rom 3:28; 4:25; 5:16, 18; 8:28-34)."[3]
Sanctification: "to make holy . . . (Rom 6:1-23; 1 Thess 5:23; 1 John 3:3)."[4]
In brief:
Take heart, and bear your scars like your King. Live for Him and His glory. He deserves such followers.
The Lord your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by His love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.
Behold, at that time I will deal
with all your oppressors.
And I will save the lame
and gather the outcast,
and I will change their shame into praise
and renown in all the earth.
— Zephaniah 3:17,19 (ESV)
by "The Chief," Chief Petty Officer, SEAL
Unless otherwise noted, all quoted Scripture was taken from the New King James Version®, Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All right reserved.
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
[1]Asbury Cherry-Gerrard, "The Worst Journey in the World, Antarctic, 1910-1913," Google Books, accessed August 27, 2024, https://www.google.com/books/edition/The_Worst_Journey_in_the_World_Antarctic/m-bRAAAAMAAJ?hl, p. 237.
[2]Viktor E. Frankl, "Man’s Search for Meaning," Google Books, accessed August 27, 2024, https://books.google.com/books?id=F-Q_xGjWBi8C&printsec=frontcover#v=onepage&q&f=false.
[3]Justification - encyclopedia of the bible - bible gateway, accessed September 13, 2024, https://www.biblegateway.com/resources/encyclopedia-of-the-bible/Justification.
[4]Sanctification - encyclopedia of the bible - bible gateway, accessed September 13, 2024, https://www.biblegateway.com/resources/encyclopedia-of-the-bible/Sanctification.
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