by Juantrice Kirby, ACBC Certified Biblical Counselor
People often ask how I got started in biblical counseling. Honestly, the journey emerged in beautiful, God-ordained twists and turns, laced with His perfect timing. More specifically, an incident of child sexual abuse between two church families catapulted me into counseling.
At that time, there wasn’t a plan of care like there was for births and deaths. Although the church responded to the abuse issue with genuine love, prayer, and concern, there was a lack of biblical response due to fear of prejudice and liability, and there was silence and even avoidance due to the privacy of the matter. The dire situation should have be treated as an opportunity for God’s people to go deep into the trenches of sin and suffering with the light and hope of God’s Word that addresses both.
When someone is experiencing a crisis, especially such horrible crimes, their clarity of thought and their family members’ clarity of thought are naturally overtaken by human responses: shame, anger, blame, vengeance, withdrawal, and isolation. That was the experience for the next couple of weeks. But God was faithful, as always! That crisis stirred my heart to become educated about child sexual abuse and illuminating the gospel in such despairing circumstances. I wanted to respond with tender compassion and do something more to help people in the stark reality of child sexual abuse.
I spent the next couple months training in the community. I wanted answers. What exactly is abuse? What is being done to prevent it? What is being done to educate our children, teens, parents, teachers, and over caregivers? I studied topics that included victim blaming, grooming, bystander intervention, what consent is and is not, and I invested hours conversing with various professionals.
In my search for education, I found many God-fearing, Bible-believing men and women working in the secular world of prevention and awareness of child sexual abuse.
Every day, I witnessed in their lives the fulfilling of Matthew 25:40. Their hearts were warm and tender for survivors and they offered many resources for healing and they exhaustively advocated for prevention and awareness education.
I dare say they struggled with the church’s public avoidance of sexual abuse within their own communities. I wrestled with what roll the church is to play in the existence of all types of sin that surrounds child sexual abuse. After all, historically, churches are equipped to address sin and provide programs for the sinner. We hear about the sin of pornography, sexual immorality, adultery, drugs, alcohol, and abuse in general, but what about the healing of the innocent ones, their mental, emotional, and spiritual injuries, betrayals, oppression, abandonment, and their ongoing suffering?
Unfortunately, a biblical, God-fearing response to the sin and suffering can sometimes be deficient.
Abuse is never the fault of the victim!
The greatest gift we can give a survivor is believing them. It takes great courage for victims to speak out against these hideous sins. Scripture warns the sinner and assures the victim, "There is nothing covered that won’t be uncovered, nothing hidden that won’t be made known" (Luke 12:2 HCSB).
When an act of abuse is exposed within the church community, we have a moral, ethical, and spiritual obligation to not only believe the victim but tenderly shepherd them and their family through the wrenching days of shame, grief, pain, anger, . . . and through the legal and financial burdens and possible estrangement from the betraying family member or acquaintance.
Compassionate care is far too often avoided or outsourced to secular resources, and the law and survivors are cast out like a leper, instead of ministry going into the trenches. Never should the church avoid responsibility, whether they lacking knowledge, wisdom, or understanding of how to respond faithfully.
Child abuse prevention and education matter!
We see prevention and education of other issues at work every day. Medically, we have concussion protocols to prevent head injuries and seat belt laws to prevent serious injury and death. Environmentally, we have weather alerts and sirens to warn us of impending weather and prompt us to take shelter or evacuate. Spiritually and actionably, we are empowered with statistics about child sexual abuse in our communities and empowered to help prevent, educate, and report child abuse.
Training is the appropriate means to communicate policy and procedures to those who serve as caregivers for minors. It is imperative that churches offer education on awareness, prevention, and reporting, and imperative to require all church-serving adults to attend the trainings.
Church policies should include how to biblically respond to the abused and the abuser and the duty of mandatory reporting. Even though I had served in the church for years, I did not fully understand the scope of mandatory reporting.
Do you know your state’s law regarding mandated reporting of child abuse, whether the abuse circumstance is shared with you, witnessed by you, or suspected by you? You are likely a "mandated reporter." Visit your state’s website.
In Tennessee, "neighbors, relatives, or friends" are included in the list of "required to report" child abuse and neglect, and can be charged with a Class E Felony for intentionally failing to report.[1]
Scripture tells us to submit to governing authorities (Romans 13:1). How can one submit and be obedient if they don’t know the law?
I believe the church should be the forerunner in communicating education, prevention, and mandatory reporting of child abuse through their policy and procedures to every individual slated to work with children, students, and families. The training should also include child neglect and suspicion of abuse in accordance with state law.
As a result of my education journey, I served as a Stewards of Children training facilitator with Darkness to Light. The organization highlights the magnitude of child sexual abuse and envisions "a world in which adults form prevention-oriented communities that protect the child’s right to a healthy childhood."[2]
Since that time, hundreds of church-serving adults have been trained to understand the definition child sexual abuse, their responsibility as adults to protect the children in their care, and the importance of mandatory reporting and how to report.
Training in churches was just the beginning. Something was lacking in secular resources that created questions in me. While wrestling with those, I was moved by the lifelong impact of child sexual abuse on victims and their families. I yearned to encourage their souls and do more.
While absorbing the power of believing the survivors, I was prompted by the power of believing God’s Word and the truth of who God is. Belief in God and His Word, and believing survivors are essential in the trenches of child sexual abuse and in education and prevention of child abuse. Even in such devastating darkness, I believed in the sufficiency of Scripture (2 Peter 1:3), and I desired to share the light of the gospel with victims and families buried in the trenches of pain and brokenness. I desired to encourage them to come to Jesus, to believe God, and to grow in relationship with Him.
In brief, answering the question of how I got started in biblical counseling, it was the road of education in the trenches and schooling. The awareness and prevention of child sexual abuse became a steppingstone into my passion for the doctrines, the sufficiency of Scripture, and God’s sovereignty. With a pastor’s guidance, I then earned certification with the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors, which launched my ministry in biblical counseling.
I’m persuaded that a priority in soul care, regardless of the condition that brings an individual to counseling, is knowing "the One who is, who was, and who is coming, the Almighty" (Revelation 1:8 HCSB). The compassionate work of a biblical counselor in any life experience is working through the suffering of sin and learning how to apply the truths of God’s Word.
The journey then lead me to serve with Fallen Soldiers March (FSM).
FSM recognizes the emotional trauma that many suffer as a result of serving our country and serving our local communities. FSM provides free soul care to veterans, active-duty military, first responders, law enforcement, firefighters, EMTs, and to physicians and nurses of hospital emergency departments. This care also extends to their family members!
FSM’s ministry first resonated with me as I witnessed the daily sacrifices of a close family member and friends serving among those essential professions. What a privilege to support and encourage them in their calling! I joined FSM’s network of biblical counselors because I concur with and believe in their mission "to provide the type of counsel that comes directly from God’s Word and is empowered by God’s Spirit."[3] I believe in their mission to apply God’s Word to the sufferer and the sinner.
FSM also equips churches to grow in healing their communities by guiding and educating them on how to implement biblical counseling in their congregation. The upcoming annual FSM Soul Care Conference will be held on April 20, 2024 to help equip churches to "better prepare to minister compassionate hope and healing from God’s Word to the troubled and the in-troubled."[4]
On my bookshelf is an art piece from a friend, given to me years before I entered biblical counseling. It simply reads, "Your beautifully messy complicated story matters. Tell it." (Unknown)
Shame breeds in secrecy and isolation, discouraging victims from telling someone. The example of the woman at the well in John 4 illustrates this truth and enlightens us to the power of a testimony formed by experiencing the forgiveness, cleansing, and honor that Christ brings to the abused, broken, oppressed, and outcast. With peace and healing, I can say, "It was good for me to be afflicted so that I could learn your statues" (Psalm 119:71 HCSB), because it’s an honor for me to now serve women and their families in my community by discipling them in God’s Word.
As difficult and dark was the season that led to me dig in the trenches of child sexual abuse, the beauty of God’s faithfulness continued to illuminate, as it does today.
All the details of your messy complicated story are part of your journey to find the truth of the One revealed in Scripture. How can the message of the gospel be enlightened through telling your story? Perhaps working with a biblical counselor can help you see God’s characteristics in your story and help you grow in your understanding that God’s Word is sufficient.
For FSM Soul Care Conference information visit fsmsoulcare.com.
____________________________________
If you are a counselor and would like to join our network, please use the link below:
Join the FSM Biblical Counselor Network
If you like what you've read , sign up to receive quarterly newsletter articles and updates via email - or SUPPORT our mission by making a donation, even $10 per month can make a huge difference and allow us to grow our counseling and spread the word of God!
Donate Now - One-Time or Recurring Monthly Donations!
If you are a Federal Employee and would like to donate FSM
is a certified Combined Federal Campaign (CFC) charity.
Designate ID #59846 / Fallen Soldiers March.
_____________________________________________
[1] Juvenile Courts and Proceedings, Part Four, Mandatory Child Abuse Reporters, 37-1-403, accessed November 21, 2023, https://carat.app.tn.gov/carat/pdf/tnchild-37-1-403.pdf.
[2] "About Us," Darkness to Light, May 22, 2023, https://www.d2l.org/about/.
[3] "Fallen Soldiers March - Certified Biblical Counseling," Fallen Soldiers March RSS, accessed November 20, 2023, https://fallensoldiersmarch.com/biblical-counseling.
[4] "Fallen Soldiers March Soul Care - about the FSM Soul Care Conference," FSM Soul Care Conference RSS, accessed November 21, 2023, https://fsmsoulcare.com/about/.
