by OIF Veteran SGT Anina Blakenship

Working with Kathryn Custer, an IABC Certified Biblical Counselor of Fallen Soldiers March (FSM), has been a blessing. I’m truly thankful. I had been  searching for quite some time to find a therapy that would heal the wounds I felt so deeply within. During my tour to Baghdad, Iraq, I lost several close friends. I struggled with survivor’s guilt and often wondered why the Lord had spared my life, though at times I felt gratitude. Other times, I was angry with God, as I didn’t understand why any of the losses had to have happened.

I pursued a variety of therapies, hoping that if I just worked hard enough and pushed through the survivor’s guilt I would feel healthy and whole again. It wasn’t until I started working with Kathryn that I realized I had never invited the Lord into this painful part of my life. I was striving to do bear the wounds, questions, and healing in my own strength. Working with Kathryn, I gained a renewed desire to read my Bible daily and ask the Lord to help heal the parts of my life I’d kept hidden from Him for so long.

One beauty of biblical counseling is the constant returning to the Word of God, which helped build my faith and confidence in God’s goodness. Over time, the weight I’d carried far too long began to dissolve. I had more clarity and resolve to pursue this beautiful life the Lord had blessed me with and to not waste one more moment of it. I’m forever grateful for FSM and Kathryn and I’ll continue to share my experience with other veterans.

Epilogue by IABC Certified Biblical Counselor Kathryn Custer

Walking with Anina through this season of her growth in God was such a privilege.  Prior to contacting Fallen Soldiers March, she had been to other types of counseling, but she was left unsatisfied. Even the professing Christian counselors failed to mention God in Anina’s sessions, which was confusing. She came to me without a sense of purpose or direction for her life. She wondered who she was and why she was still alive. She struggled with the loss of friends in combat and she was greatly concerned about the thoughts that people may have had about her. Anina had a lot of why questions and little trust in God, yet she deeply desired to know Him better and wanted Him to be a part of her life.

Anina was so teachable and eager to learn. She did her homework thoroughly, always excited to share with me the new insights the Lord was teaching her and how to apply those. We spent time looking at who God had created her to be, who He is, His love for her, His sovereignty, and that He had designed a good plan for her life, which included all her experiences. I watched Anina grow to trust God with her past and future. She learned how to lament biblically, with the goal of honoring God. She gained a deeper understanding of the gospel, not only for salvation but for every aspect of her life and earthly longevity. Anina’s quiet time with God had been “as time allowed,” but that communion grew deep and consistent.   Watching her allow God to be her refuge and strength (Psalm 46:1) was a true joy. She received the truth He spoke into her life and He set her free from the lies she had believed. I’m thankful to have been a part of Anina’s journey.

____________________________________

If you are Veterans or a friend/family member of a Veteran and would like request our counseling, please use the link below:

Request Biblical Counseling

If you are a counselor and would like to join our network, please use the link below:

Join the FSM Biblical Counselor Network

If you like what you’ve read , sign up to receive quarterly newsletter articles and updates via email – or SUPPORT our mission by making a donation, even $10 per month can make a huge difference and allow us to grow our counseling and spread the word of God!

Email Newsletter Signup Form

Donate Now – One-Time or Recurring Monthly Donations!

If you are a Federal Employee and would like to donate FSM
is a certified Combined Federal Campaign (CFC) charity.
Designate ID #59846 / Fallen Soldiers March.

_____________________________________________

Fallen Soldiers March has been approached by Navy Seal Team members to write for FSM’s Quarterly Newsletter when inspired, time allows and anonymity is protected. They will use the pseudonym “The Chief”.

We hope you enjoy their first submission and we look forward to their future contributions.

by “The Chief,” Chief Petty Officer, SEAL

Special Operations is different—and it isn’t. A certain type of man is drawn to the idea of being a soldier in the black ops. This phenomenon—a longing for a tragic amalgam of idealism, vigor, wanderlust, and duty—is as old as time. Across history, tyrants have used and manipulated this inner synthesis for horrifying evil. That yearning to become, to strive, to overcome, even to know true defeat rests in the hearts of young men who were created to serve a king and kingdom. But more often than not, they end up serving themselves and worse: corrupt governments.

This pull in my youthful heart led me to test my resolve in the fires of special warfare selection. I thought I was tough, and I wanted to prove it. I wanted adventure; I wanted to do things that mattered; I wanted to be able to rely on the men next to me in life-and-death situations, and I wanted them to be able to rely on me. I didn’t want riches; I didn’t want fame; I didn’t want girls or parties or comfort. I wanted conflict. I wanted to be up to my neck in danger. I wanted to serve my country and rid the world of evil men. I wanted to fight, and, if need be, die for a worthy cause. Men join special warfare communities for a plethora of reasons, but those were mine. I know I wasn’t alone in those desires.

I made it through the harrowing training and had scars on my body to prove it. The day I received my trident was one of the most fulfilling of my life. Years of service followed: deployments, training schedules, more selection, and more striving in more elite units. I saw young men’s bodies torn to shreds by bullets and bombs and I’ve stood at gravesides while caskets were being draped in Old Glory. In such moments, we wonder what drives men to such lengths. What compels men to fight and die for a nation that’s more and more unrecognizable to us?

That longing in young men, and still in me, is actually a broken instrument made for a transcendent glory. Red, white, and blue still strike a deep-seated ache in my heart, especially given the state of our nation these days. But America is not the kingdom.

A common occurrence found in retired special warfare fighters is similar to the one in prior athletes. Prize fighters, long past the flower of youthful vigor, often enter the ring again, only to make a shameful display. They “chase the dragon” in our military community, reaching for one last embrace of that deep-seated yearning. Being the man of the hour is hard to move forward from, once those rare opportunities are withheld. Training to an elite level and accomplishing what most people only dream of will later leave a vacancy and burning in the heart that marks deeply beneath sinew and flesh. I’ve watched men sacrifice marriages and relationships with their children, immolate their bodies and their morals, all in an effort to hang on for one more operation—one more grasp at a fading grandeur, one more journey to the pinnacle. Tennyson’s “Ulysses” aptly captures this burning fervor.

Our problem comes down to identity. Who am I? Who are you? When the military contract is up and the warrior relinquishes his body armor, rifle, and night vision goggles, and drives home as a civilian, simply and abruptly, what’s left? The longing is still there, and the new challenges—alcohol, cheap sex, money, alongside veteran status, psychological counseling, a new career, and even family—aren’t enough to raise a man from the death of not knowing who he is nor to raise him from the crisis of self.

Men need purpose like we need air. George Foreman said, in effect: a man may as well be dead without a dream. On a sidenote, I believe that’s why much of my generation of men spend their time lost in video games, pursuing any sense of adventure and meaning we can find in digital worlds where we’re strong and formidable.

Tying our identities to whatever we spend our time doing is all too easy: I’m a soldier, a plumber, a lawyer, a father, a sports fan, an outdoorsman, etc. We fail to truly understand who we are innately. When we haven’t taken that vital first step, all the journeys of life are misguided. When we don’t know who we are, we have no touch point to engage with the world. We’ll drown ourselves in work, pleasure, stoicism, wealth, or fame in our efforts to try to define for ourselves our true identities, and to become what we think we should be or to prove we’re who we want to be.

My brother says that if something can be taken from you, then it isn’t you. Think about that. Your finances, your career, family, possessions, health, your body, sanity, personality, and strength can all be violently ripped from your bleeding hands and yet you will remain.

Who are you when all is stripped away?

Special ops is different—and it isn’t. We like to think of ourselves as cut from a unique stone,  above average in almost every category. Yet, we’re the same as everyone else, in that we need purpose. We’re weak, each of us, without purpose. At the end of the day, we’re but men of dust who drink iniquity like water, a distant cry from the mythical demigods that pervade mythologies and we’re further still from the one true God who created us.

Our purposes, not as special ops soldiers but men created in the image of God, is found in the pages of Scripture and in allegiance to the King of kings, the One who is far more worthy of our toiling than the nations we fight for. Thus, our issue is a soul issue, a sin issue, and an eternal issue.

The primary attribute of my identity and whole being is that I need Christ. Me! The tough, battle-scarred, barrel-chested frogman. For I am not my accomplishments; I am not the worthless medals nor the warfare designators hanging from my dress blues. I am not my scars, my experiences, nor my memories. To identify with these is a trap because they can be taken away—none of those are everlasting. I’m as weak and pathetic as any other sinner without my King. Possibly more so due to the years I’ve spent building and relying on my own sense of strength. I’ve spent undo time creating my idol of self.

Yet in Christ—the Warrior King Himself—is found everything I’ve ever longed for. In Him is purity of character, immeasurable strength and guile, peerless wisdom, ferocity for good, and the beauty of purpose. Jesus Christ is Lord of all, and serving in His ranks is the endless adventure I’ve longed for since my youth. He is the cleanser who washes away the mountains of sin I’ve erected and the One who made me new. Not only that, but He gives me purpose, the greatest purpose of mortal men for which He created me.

Sagas of old heroes support this poignant truth. Why did Achilles go to Troy? Why did Beowulf seek out Hrothgar’s Hall or Alexander assail Persia? They desired that their names be remembered and their deeds immortalized. Yet God offers us the very things so many men madly strife to gain: the chance to bleed for a glory that will never fade.

Eternity stretches out like an unfurled map, the edges extending far beyond our capacity of sight, and God beckons us to run, to strive, to fight, to die, and to live for Him and His everlasting kingdom. When we submit ourselves to His will, His glory becomes our “ever-increasing glory” (2 Corinthians 3:18 NIV). Our identities are firmly founded in the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End, the All in All (Acts 17:28, John 1:12, Philippians 3:20-21).

To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. —Romans 2:7 (NIV).

To my brothers in the special warfare community and the military at large, you have spent so much time pursuing so many things. Have you considered Christ? He is real. He is here. He is worthy. Will you not take the hurt and the inadequacy within you and surrender it to Him? Will you not take Him at His Word when He says He will make you anew(Ephesians 4:22-24)?

Yes, He will demand the most of you. Like any good leader, He will require adherence to His commands. Further, He will require submission to His will, and likely call you to a life of great difficulty. But isn’t that what draws warriors? Do you want an easy life or a meaningful one?

What do you have to lose except for your soul? What do you have to gain except everything? With every step toward Christ, you become more yourself than you’ve ever been. Your identity becomes what God has defined.

He who overcomes will inherit all things. I will be his God and he will be My son. – Revelation 21:7

There is only one way to God, and that is through Christ (Acts 4:12).

However, there are many paths to Christ as we each have our own salvation story. Whether yet to embark, whether miles into the journey, and whether nearing the end, a common thread ties us together: our need for godly counsel and fellowship. I am pleased to write on behalf of Fallen Soldiers March.

I believe this organization to be an excellent resource for all military members prior and current. A priceless commodity is a group of believers who stand on the authoritative, inspired, infallible Word of God and aid others through the trials of life. May God continue to bless Fallen Soldiers March, and may Christ take every last ounce of glory for Himself.

Our lives to His honor, hail to the King!

By “The Chief,” Chief Petty Officer, SEAL

____________________________________

If you are Veterans or a friend/family member of a Veteran and would like request our counseling, please use the link below:

Request Biblical Counseling

If you are a counselor and would like to join our network, please use the link below:

Join the FSM Biblical Counselor Network

If you like what you’ve read , sign up to receive quarterly newsletter articles and updates via email – or SUPPORT our mission by making a donation, even $10 per month can make a huge difference and allow us to grow our counseling and spread the word of God!

Email Newsletter Signup Form

Donate Now – One-Time or Recurring Monthly Donations!

If you are a Federal Employee and would like to donate FSM
is a certified Combined Federal Campaign (CFC) charity.
Designate ID #59846 / Fallen Soldiers March.

_____________________________________________

by Anonymous USAF Active Duty Master Sergeant – Epilogue written by Paul Tautges ACBC & IABC Certified Biblical Counselor

As a rebellious sinner, I ran from the God of grace. I’d grown up going to church weekly, but the deception and brokenness of my heart kept me from truly believing, and in our home, God was not our primary focus. I knew of God but didn’t have a relationship with Him.

My dad physically and emotionally abused my mother, sisters, and me. Although I hate to say it, my sisters and I suffered many belt lashes from him that would continue until we soiled ourselves. His displaced anger caused a lot of internal aggression in me. My coping mechanism was exercise. I wanted to become strong. I’d play outside with my friends until my mom would come home because I felt very safe when she was there. Thankfully, she and my dad divorced, which kept her safe and allowed my sisters and me a break from our father.

As a teenager, I was the man in the home and loved being the protector. But, having had no positive father figure to provide guidance, I was misguided in thinking I needed to be tough. Consequently, others closed themselves to me, which grew my fear of being hurt.

Also, in my teens, I was introduced to alcohol and pornography. Both made me feel good, though the feeling was short-lived. I always ended up feeling stressed and broken again. My alcohol use eventually led to my arrest for underage drinking. After that, I decided to join the Air Force. I desired to be disciplined and molded into a man while serving my country.

My service allowed me the opportunity to help my family and get away from alcohol and negative friends. However, through those military years, every function seemed to involve alcohol. Even though it gave me some short-lived fun, I hated being near it.

Over the years, my hope of not being damaged hardened my heart. I believed showing emotion was a sign of weakness, so I kept my feelings to myself. I tried my hardest to show that I was strong and tough. Yet, inside, I felt lost and weak.

Using pornography rewired my brain to view women differently than I should have. Both pornography and drunkenness were destructive, and both presented a deception of happiness. Nonetheless, I’m blessed to have married the love of my life. She has been my rock and a true blessing to me. I’ve failed her by my selfishness, including giving into temptation, which Satan used to lead me into adultery. Jesus showed me that just looking lustfully at a woman is adultery.

I knew I had not only sinned against my wife and family but against my Lord. My sins caused much grief to those I love and to myself.  

After receiving Jesus as my Savior, I asked God to show me the characteristics of my heart. He showed me that I had sinned against Him and had allowed many choices to harden my heart: idolatry, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, divisions, envy, drunkenness, impurity, and sexual immorality. I learned that those characteristics, listed by the Apostle Paul in Galatians 5:19-21, are of the flesh—our sinful nature. Jesus taught me that I was living life through my flesh, causing brokenness to myself, disconnection from others, and keeping me from God’s kingdom. My guilt over my sins caused me to feel shame. I became very exhausted carrying the weight of sin and its consequences.

Looking back, I saw that Jesus had attempted to reach me numerous times, even causing me to awake from sleep, saying, “Jesus, help me!” I felt I had let Him down and did not deserve Him.

I have noticed a change since asking for God’s forgiveness of my sins and allowing my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, into my heart. I felt kindness, patience, joy, love, and a true PEACE for the first time.

My heart had been very anxious over the years as I chased the things of the flesh. Although I achieved goals and titles, I remained unhappy. I have always chased some sort of goal, whether related to the Air Force in general, my rank, or my position. Goals are great as long as they don’t become idols.

Looking back, I can also see that I was running from the past and toward a mirage of happiness. I knew my Lord was there all along, but I’d never taken the time for Him. I failed to learn His Word, and I wouldn’t allow Him into my heart because I feared He would be ashamed of the things I’d done. When I eventually turned to Him, He helped me lay down my pride and ego. I wanted to become a better man, and knew I needed help.

I reached out to Fallen Soldiers March and got lined up with a Biblical Counselor, Paul Tautges. I also applied and was invited to attend a Mighty Oaks Legacy Program for men, which helped me grow spiritually and gave me a solid network of brothers I can lean on. These two organizations and my local church helped me in my sanctification process. I’m very thankful for FSM, Paul Tautges, and my church.

My Lord and Savior said, “Follow me,” and I finally did. God saved me, changed my heart and mind, and saved and restored my marriage!

For over a year, my wife and I prayed for a baby. We were a little concerned we might have difficulty conceiving because of our ages. However, I knew that if God could save a sinner like me and save a marriage, He could do anything. That summer, God gave me a dream, telling me we would conceive a little girl. Three months later, I received amazing news from my wife: she was pregnant. When we went for our prenatal ultrasound, the sonographer informed us we were having a little girl! I wasn’t surprised because God had spoken that in the dream, and in good faith, I believed it would come true.

Our baby girl was born this spring. We praise God for blessing us with this beautiful, wonderfully made baby girl. She’ll be a constant reminder of His grace and magnificent work. We’re looking forward to teaching her all about Jesus.

God even restored my relationship with my father and helped me forgive him. I’m very thankful for the time I get to spend with my dad. Sharing the gospel with him has been very hard due to his pride and stubbornness. But I’ll continue to pray for his salvation, and I know God will do all the work to save him.

by an Anonymous USAF Master Sergeant

Epilogue

To be a servant God has used in the life of active-duty USAF Master Sergeant has been a privilege. Seeing him progress from a brand-new believer in Jesus to one who is diligently applying the Word of God to his life and marriage in the power of the Spirit brings me great joy. Three Scriptures come to mind when I think about our months of intensive discipleship together. The first is 2 Corinthians 7:9-10.

Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing. For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death (NKJV).

As I counseled USAF Master Sergeant, I immediately discerned that the Spirit of God had prepared the soil of his heart to receive biblical counsel and guidance. He was grieving over his sin and its consequences and was ready to act on God’s Word.

We began by spending many weeks in Matthew 5-7, the Sermon on the Mount. As a result, the roots of repentance grew deeply in Master Sergeant’s heart, demonstrating that the sorrow overwhelming his heart at the beginning of our counseling was not worldly sorrow but the godly sorrow that leads to repentance. The more the Spirit used the Word to peel back the layers of Master Sergeant’s heart, the more the man saw his heart driving his sinful desires and behavior. The gospel promises a new heart from the Lord at the moment of conversion and the ongoing work of the indwelling Spirit fueling steady progress to remake us in the image of Christ.

As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, as you have been taught, abounding in it with thanksgiving (Col. 2:6-7 NKJV).

A key focus in biblical discipleship counseling must be to help other believers become rooted and built up in Christ. Therefore, we gave attention to the call of Christ on our lives, the meaning of new creature in Christ, and how to live out that new identity. As Master Sergeant diligently renewed his mind with biblical truth, he learned that repentance is not a one-time event but a lifestyle. As a result, he saw steady movement toward putting off his old self and putting on his new self in Christ.

Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart (2 Tim. 2:22 NKJF).

Another huge blessing was seeing how integral the men of Master Sergeant’s local church were becoming in his spiritual life. He had no desire to be a lone ranger Christian but to develop honest relationships of serious accountability with other brothers in Christ. He seized the reality that we cannot successfully fight sin on our own, and God never intended for our sanctification to progress in isolation. Instead, we must flee sin and pursue righteousness with those (others) who are calling upon the Lord. Even when Master Sergeant’s military schedule did not allow him to attend church services, he took whatever steps necessary to keep in touch with those brothers.

I’m grateful to the Lord and Fallen Soldiers March for connecting us in a discipleship relationship that has become a friendship. To God be the glory for the things He has done and is doing!

by Paul Tautges

____________________________________

If you are Veterans or a friend/family member of a Veteran and would like request our counseling, please use the link below:

Request Biblical Counseling

If you are a counselor and would like to join our network, please use the link below:

Join the FSM Biblical Counselor Network

If you like what you’ve read , sign up to receive quarterly newsletter articles and updates via email – or SUPPORT our mission by making a donation, even $10 per month can make a huge difference and allow us to grow our counseling and spread the word of God!

Email Newsletter Signup Form

Donate Now – One-Time or Recurring Monthly Donations!

If you are a Federal Employee and would like to donate FSM
is a certified Combined Federal Campaign (CFC) charity.
Designate ID #59846 / Fallen Soldiers March.

_____________________________________________